Some thoughts on Lawrence & the Awkward relatability of Insecure

One of my favorite shows is, Insecure on HBO. If you’ve never watched it, I strongly advise you check it out. The episodes are only 30 minutes, so it’s 2 seasons are the perfect binge for the next time you take a “sick day” from work. The story revolves around the main character, Issa, and her many relationships. I’m not going to go too in-depth into her character and motivations at the moment, as there’s another character whom I relate to more personally, Lawrence.

To set it up for you, Lawrence is Issa’s significant other. At the beginning of the show, he is unemployed and basically being supported by Issa. She begins to question her feelings for Lawrence, which sets the show into a whirlwind of events that are uncomfortably relatable. The show is real and at times raw, but that is what sets it apart. It has made me take a step back, several times, to look at myself and the relationships I have with people. How could I have handled things differently? Maybe if I hadn’t sent that last text message, things would’ve gone in a different direction.

To me, the thing that makes Lawrence so relatable, are his flaws. Often times, when people are romanticizing themselves as characters in a book or a TV show, they tend to highlight the strengths and disregard their gray areas, the ones we all exist in. Lawrence’s arch is full of gray areas. Some of his courses of action are undoubtedly ones I’ve followed myself, right or wrong, so I find it interesting to be able to look from the outside – in.

Even before the story begins, it’s easy for me to imagine the issues Lawrence carries around. Being an unemployed, black man in America is a hell of a title to carry. You’re marginalized. He was either underqualified or overqualified for most jobs, or so it seemed. None of this really motivated him to do anything, he let himself go. His appearance was rough and he never wanted to go do anything (probably because he was broke and his girl was already paying for everything) until problems in his love life emerged.

I’ve seen lots of women argue that Lawrence wasn’t doing what he needed to do as a man, which I suppose is accurate (albeit ironic since gender roles have supposedly evolved in 2017 but I digress) and this, in a way, justified Issa’s actions. I’ve gone through a similar situation as Lawrence, not being completely on my own feet. I can relate to how he was ignored by the woman he loved, left home alone without knowing where she was and eventually cheated on. It just doesn’t make sense to me, that in a world where true love is very difficult to find, how easily it’s thrown away.

Trust is a key component of a healthy relationship. Once it’s gone, things will never be the same. Ever. The past is already written and the ink is dry. Lawrence did not violate the trust. He got a job, one that he was completely overqualified for and initially curved a chick that I’m not so sure I would’ve had the sexual maturity to deny. He eventually moved on to a better situation, and for now, has corrected the career issues that plagued him in the beginning of Season 1.

Lawrence did everything he was supposed to do, and still lost for it, another thing that has sucked me in week after week for two years. In this show, much like life, there have been no happy endings. Maybe the next season will provide one for Lawrence and the other characters. Or maybe it will continue to blur the lines between scripted television and reality TV….

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Zones

Let’s be real for a bit..

Your defensive schemes all out of wack. The area your covering isn’t even the most vulnerable, you’re looking at it from the wrong perspective. You’re looking outside – in, when you should be looking inside – out. Guarding against the run, as if you didn’t just allow me to pass.

Man to man coverage. Worry about who’s in front of you. That’s your responsibilty. Don’t depend on any sort of safety coverage and no don’t peeking into the backfield. But it takes a certain type to be able to do this. Some can, some cannot.

The end zone is the end goal, of course scoring is important, but so is time of possession. The longer you hold on, the better your chances of winning.

Should you choose to bend the rules, play without dignity or outright cheat, you will be caught & punished. Once word gets out, free agents won’t even respond to your messages and you’ll lose future picks.

I mean, it is all sort of a game anyway, right? We mask it as a playful activity, something for amusement, but in reality it’s so much more. We all want to win and hold up our trophy.

And after you’ve gotten that trophy every living being desires, you also get a ring.

That zone defense you’ve been playing got you here, but it won’t win you a ring. Come here. Do your job and only be concerned about the man in front of you.

And I promise the same.

 

Convince & Repeat

I’ve been away…

To deal with my affliction, as self diagnosed. However, I believe any clinical psychiatrist would agree. I don’t hear voices, but I must be insane. Truly, I must be. I mean, lots of artists & writers have dealt with mental illness. All the symptoms are there. The feelings of deja vu, repeating the same actions and expecting different results.

The adversity arises, year after year. I defeat it, send it back into the depths of obscurity and celebrate myself as cured. Things return to status quo for months, quarters at a time until the affliction returns to my realm.

Upon each return, it is more difficult to defeat than the last time. I’ve reached a point where I almost need it in my life, to feel normal, otherwise I’m a zombie…. lifeless and emotionless everyday, until it returns.

I receive nothing from it, instead I sacrifice who I am, my sanity as a whole… to appease…

… and to return to distant memories of when the affliction was but a flutter of naivety. Things weren’t always this way. But they have been, for quite some time now, the same. And as the affliction comes and goes, as does a piece of me each transition.

 

Photo Cred: Damian Michaels – The Road to Madness

Unhappy Fools

Wisdom is only gained through life experiences. Amidst the folly of youth, it’s often assumed that wisdom will be gained later in life. But sometimes, it is not. There are both young & old fools in the world. What is it that prevents a young fool from becoming a wise elder? Is it destiny? Or perhaps a curse of sorts, bestowed upon the young fool?

Bad decision after bad decision, repeating the same actions and hoping for different results. Isn’t that insanity? Or is it stupidity? Either way, eventually, the cycle should break… Right? After so many failures the pressure intensifies, weighing on one’s psyche. Insomnia and depression would be understandable, yet blissful ignorance only dulls the warning signs. How? 

If one cannot please one’s self, why instead is their happiness traded for the approval of others? A greek chorus of negative, miserable spectators never pleased with the events of the show. A petulant paparazzi encouraging and admiring only the worst behaviors.

Begin to value yourself. Eliminate drama. Ignore your foolish pride or be cursed to become an old fool.

Defense Tactics

I do not pray for my enemies.

I besiege their walls & wait for their downfall.

I will not love those, who do not love me.

I remember and will not forgive the lies until you’ve returned my wasted time.

Even still,

I bear no ill will,

But I won’t forgive,

I’ll just pretend.. the way you did.

Lifeless

All them likes, media fame & street cred
Behind closed doors he’s a deadbeat to his 3 kids
A weak man,
Far less than I see where there’s a mirror to peak in
But every weekend, he’s the street’s friend
I’ll pass
Rather,
cherish the moments
heretics have avoided
Guess at this point, I sort of built up a tolerance
seems that the only thing these niggas built up lately is followers
Pardon, bruh, I’ll try to meet you between proper use & ebonics
seems that the only thing some people built up lately is followers…
Speaking generally as a topic
more specifically these awful ass, terrible fathers
You know,
the one that hasn’t seen his son since he was still in diapers
Y’all are like zombies, literally deadbeats
Lifeless.

 

Unsought

Animosity has moved where admiration once lived

A warm shoulder to lean upon

a cold one returned in gratitude

A fledgling associate, your value now lacks

yet a sliver of hope remains still

Admission of feelings

caused tension to grow

within

a distorted collection of sentiment

resting in its place.

 

Inspired by The Daily Post – Daily Prompt: Unseen