4 Your Eyez Only

Nobody died around me lately. The city’s been heating up but my circle stays cool, mostly. It’s hard though, trying to do the right thing and stay out-of-the-way. I logged onto Facebook the other day, I know somebody who knew somebody that was killed. And another somebody who knew somebody did it. Both sides of the story, right in front of my eyez. One real nigga and one bitch nigga, depending on who you ask… the roles reverse. Both families, attempting to preserve their loved one’s legacy in the court of public opinion. In all actuality, the only thing that occurred was each post serving as an accelerant to the opposing side.

Mediators posting subliminal statuses about what may or may not have occurred. Speculation turned into acceptance and acceptance into anger/hatred. And I just watched. And would do the same again, if I had a 2nd chance. Why? Because I scrolled through the feed of the victim and the accused…

That confirmed the shit I learned in the streets was true
That real niggas don’t speak when they beef with you
They just pull up on your street, let the heat achoo
And if a real nigga hungry he gon’ eat your food

J Cole – 4 Your Eyez Only

One page, for months leading up to the events… full of fight reposts and “real nigga” status updates about “fucking other niggas bitches” amongst other things. The overwhelming insolence was but the buds of a more deeply rooted problem. Maybe he was a product of his environment or more likely, a victim of the circumstances within that environment.

The other page, as silent after the murder as before. Nothing but spam posts, for years leading up to what occurred. The dude definitely had the means to be more active on Facebook, yet he chose to separate. Right, wrong or indifferent he completely immersed himself and remained committed to the streets in every aspect. He was dedicated to the omerta lifestyle.

From what I’ve seen afterwards, I don’t see an end or resolution in sight. The people who’ve chosen certain paths, will lead to similar, unavoidable destinations. Their family members will speak of how great they were. The truth hidden amongst an intertwined web of grayish, mixed, black and white reality.  The cycle will continue to repeat itself. My only hope is, for our childrens’ sakes, myself & my homies can avoid being on either side.

See world, you’re no good.

Unhappy Fools

Wisdom is only gained through life experiences. Amidst the folly of youth, it’s often assumed that wisdom will be gained later in life. But sometimes, it is not. There are both young & old fools in the world. What is it that prevents a young fool from becoming a wise elder? Is it destiny? Or perhaps a curse of sorts, bestowed upon the young fool?

Bad decision after bad decision, repeating the same actions and hoping for different results. Isn’t that insanity? Or is it stupidity? Either way, eventually, the cycle should break… Right? After so many failures the pressure intensifies, weighing on one’s psyche. Insomnia and depression would be understandable, yet blissful ignorance only dulls the warning signs. How? 

If one cannot please one’s self, why instead is their happiness traded for the approval of others? A greek chorus of negative, miserable spectators never pleased with the events of the show. A petulant paparazzi encouraging and admiring only the worst behaviors.

Begin to value yourself. Eliminate drama. Ignore your foolish pride or be cursed to become an old fool.

Visions

No man has seen the things I’ve seen, both for myself and regularly

If there can be such thing as regularity living someone else’s fantasy

Where a blessing for one man, leads to a curse for another

Is this how it was intended? I didn’t see it quite like this

To imagine great successes on the backs of someone else

Still a portion of them think that this is justice at its best

To continue in this manner, should I really be this shocked?

When I probe into the future, I see shit we thought had stopped…

visions_by_kuldarleement-d6ux62dImage by Kuldar Leement

 

Highly Irregular

According to my records, The Modern Medici is a single man. I received no word from any maesters or suitors saying differently. No ravens have landed with any new news, things have been status quo. Which is why I’m here, delivering dramatizations and factual accounts based on my life experiences. Some may find them irregular, but I suppose life is irregular. So, I will continue to write, be awkward and iron through any irregularities as best I can…

Somewhere along the way, I lost perspective. I lost the ability to be able to step outside of my own POV and look inwards on myself. I feel my content suffered as I lost sight of my own personal goals and nearly drowned in the waters of a barely stable utopia. My schedule week after week was rushed and zombied through to get to a certain day, I even found myself wishing the others away to get to it. And once the day came, I only wanted one thing, Italian. I didn’t even need a menu or schedule of events, because I knew exactly what the chef was serving, week after week on this day. The same meal every time, but I convinced myself I loved it, because for so long it was all I knew…

Yet to be caught in a routine, as unhealthy and predictable as having Italian every week, is in all honesty a travesty. Especially so, when I’ve done myself no justice by continuing to visit a place with no rewards program. I’ve been a loyal customer for quite sometime. True, I may have glanced at a Mexican spot once or twice and even made a few comments about going but I never ordered. Not once. Because I knew I’d be eating Italian. But not ONCE, did I receive a thank you or loyalty program offer. Yet, the chef is upset I mentioned that another place might be worth a try. And here we are…

Speaking in ridiculous innuendos about food, as related to people and relationships. I regret not a word I’ve ever written, nor a comment I’ve made. I do, however, regret being so attached and spending so much of my capitol in a place with no rewards program. There was no loyalty card yet I was charged a years worth of membership fees. I honestly value all lessons learned, both the easy and the hard way. Oh and I say it again, I’ve been had! I’ve been took! I’ve been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! 

Italian is now officially played out. Next time, I’ll read the fine print. There’ll be benefits and rewards for my genuine loyalty, regardless of the establishment’s view on earned credits or I won’t spend capitol with them.

Ramblings of Unfinished…ness

La Sagrada familia is one of the most famous pieces of architecture in the world. It has fascinated me, in that it’s architect, Antoni Gaudi, died before his work could be finished. To this day, it remains unfinished in fact. The thought of beginning a project, something you know people will love, and not being able to see the completion bothered me. At first. Until I realized that I am unfinished as well, and may never be able to see what I intend for my completion to look like. 

But, if I can begin to craft what I intend for the finished product to look like. An outline, to provide an idea of what I had in mind and what I wanted my life’s work to look like… I acknowledge, things may not end up exactly like the blueprint. Do people find it more or less frustrating, to know beforehand, that the schedule of completion is tentative? Or would you prefer to believe things are on schedule, when just the opposite is true?