In Search of a Cure

Something has infected my life but I’m not sure if it’s the people, places or things to blame. I’ve become but a grey shell of the man I envisioned myself becoming. Maybe I should blame myself, for allowing the infection to spread. Perhaps, the cause would have been more easily identified had I paid more attention during the onset. I remember when the symptoms first started. First there was a depletion of energy and desire, to do the things I’ve always enjoyed. Then came the irritability, the annoyance at others and shortening of patience. The infection has slowly become a disease. It should be cut out. But the problem is, I’m not sure where to start, however, my lack of action has only served to bolster the affliction.

I could start with the people, at least the ones I don’t work with, since I regrettably cannot fire all of my coworkers. The stagnant, motivation-less associates whose presence continue to find ways to seep into my bubble of tranquility. The devices they use to infiltrate, are ones I enjoy myself. I wish not to disconnect myself from all contact, only from the contagious. The ones whom are affected themselves and wish to spread their disease, their misery onto others.

Or I could start with the place I’m at. This job, this stumbled into sort of career I have. My days consist of sitting at my desk, usually for only about 6 or 7 of the expected 8 hours, pretending to do work. In actuality, I’m reading theories on Game of Thrones and tweeting. Being forced to sit here everyday is a sort of paid prison experience, without the free meals and anal sex. In fact, the guy in the cubicle next to me, who clears his throat all day long, actually does sound very similar to forced anal sex. The way everyone runs around with their priorities and timelines and projects and meetings, only to have them be delayed or forgotten, makes me sick. Maybe I was infected before I came here, but this environment has surely exasperated my condition.

I used to think it was this generation, I was born into, of Facebook and Snapchat that was making me sick. But I got rid of them for a bit and my condition didn’t improve. I still found myself, dragging day in and day out, struggling to accomplish all the things I’d hoped. Maybe I just need a vacation. But to vacate, is to leave a place that you previously occupied. Is it really a vacation if you return to the place from which you’ve come? I fear that I’ll cure what afflicts me, only to have the symptoms return upon my reintegration with the diseased population.

Love & Loyalty

Two of the ancient pillars of civilization are love & loyalty. Over the years, in my life, I’ve seen both crumble and left in ruins. However, in some small pockets, they continue to exist.

It was about a year ago when I got a phone call from a high school friend. He told me he was getting married & asked if I would be his best man. As each year has passed, I’ve seen the number of weddings I attend increase, but he was the first of my true homies to make the leap. And I jumped at the opportunity to be there to support him.

It means a lot to be invited to anyone’s wedding, simply as a guest, but to be apart of the ceremony is an entirely different honor. I couldn’t help but question, why me? We hadn’t seen one another in years, hell, we don’t even live in the same city anymore. We’d both gone off to college, made new friends, he’d even joined a Greek organization. So why me? Honestly, I still have no idea, but it meant the world to me.

I didn’t meet his bride until the day before the wedding, at rehearsal and I instantly could tell she was an amazing person. She was cool as a fan and her presence emitted positivity and jubilation. I instantly felt a calm come over myself, seeing how the bride and groom to be interacted with one another. The rest of the rehearsal & night only continued to strengthen my happiness for the broski.

The day of the wedding came and everything went off without a hitch. There was a sense of relief in the room we’d all settled into after the ceremony. Bottles of liquor were being opened, Snapchat videos were being recorded, it was becoming a party. After taking more snaps, we headed over to the reception hall to really turn up. Some of the groomsman were late, due to a pit stop at the liquor store. It was all love.

During the bride & groom’s first dance that everything sort of came together for me. This was a REAL LOVE they share, as genuine of one as I’ve seen in my generation’s era. And this was a LOYAL friend, to allow me to be apart of this special day, a day neither of us will soon forget. Watching them inspired me and gave me hope for my own future. It was a reminder of what can be and I do not take the example they set lightly.

So bro, to you & your bride, thank you again for allowing me to be apart of your wedding day. Thank you for asking me to be your best man. And thank you for the reminder, that I need to get MY shit together!